


Charmed

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Frenemies Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson, Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Tony Being Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 00:53:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13986942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: Bucky sighs, “can’t you be a normal celebrity and get your dog an astrologist?” he asks.Tony wrinkles his nose, “I’m a cat person.”





	Charmed

**Author's Note:**

> This is the extended version of a lil thing I posted on my Tumblr earlier. I thought it was a fun AU so I added more and decided to extend it a touch and post it here too :)

Bucky sits with his head in his hands and Sam is about five hundred percent tempted to throw a ketchup covered fry at him but Steve was watching so he had to be on good behavior. “I don’t know why I agreed to this...” he mumbles more to himself than Sam or Steve.

Steve gives him a gentle pat on the back because unlike Sam he’s sympathetic to Bucky’s idiocy. “I’m sure your date will be fine,” Steve tells him gently.

“He’s so hot,” Bucky whispers, staring at the ground with wide eyes.

Sam squints, “I fail to see why that’s a bad thing,” he says.

“Because, birdbrain, I’m a hot mess,” Bucky says. Sam shrugs, unwilling to argue with the truth even if Steve gives him a  _look._ It wasn’t his fault Bucky was a disaster. Steve, because he’s a better person than Sam, continues to comfort Bucky’s dumb ass and Sam decides to scroll social media because Twitter had to be more interesting than Bucky. Watching paint dry was more interesting than Bucky.

When his date finally shows up Sam just about  _shits_  while Steve gives him a disapproving look. So the guy was wearing hipster glasses and a backwards hat, Sam had better things to care about than a bad wardrobe. Sam quickly drags him off while Bucky starts the most awkward conversation Sam has ever had the misfortune of witnessing because Steve needed to  _know_. “Do you know who that is?” Sam hisses at him, gesturing to the doorway.

Steve looks over his shoulder to give Bucky’s date another disapproving look, “someone who’s not good enough for Bucky,” he says and Sam rolls his eyes. If he were insecure he’d worry about Steve and Bucky’s friendship but thankfully Sam had the good sense to know that he was better than Bucky in every single way so clearly Steve wouldn’t downgrade to  _Bucky._

 _“_ No Steve, that’s  _Tony Stark_. You know, recently won another Oscar in that weird Peter Quill movie?” Sam wasn’t much of a Quill fan- his stuff was always weird and convoluted- like Stanley Kubrick on crack and that was  _saying_  something. But he happened to like the cast of the movie so he gave it a shot and had been pleasantly surprised. 

“Who?” Steve asks, squinting.

Sam rolls his eyes at Steve’s apparent lack of culture. “Howard Stark’s son,” he says and Steve clues in for a half a second before he decides this was a reason to end Bucky’s date before it began. Sam stops him before he can go though because Bucky was a grown ass man and he could make his own decisions. 

When Steve stops struggling he frowns, “wait, how do you know that?” he asks.

He shrugs, “I might be a fan,” he says casually. The guy was good and Sam thought his asshole personality was endearing. Steve, however, clearly did not.

*

Bucky laughs as Tony criticizes the movie they’re watching, poking fun at the director that he seemed to have a lot of knowledge about. “Jeeze, do you have a personal vendetta against the guy?” he asks and Tony makes an offended noise.

“ _Everyone_  should have a personal vendetta against Justin Hammer. Did you see what he almost did to Wonder Woman? I would have personally fought him if his shitty script had’ve gotten past whatever moron producer even  _considered_  that crazy sack of hair,” he says, shaking his head.

He smiles, “you’re a Wonder Woman fan?” he asks because that was adorable, really.

Tony grins, “anyone with taste is a Wonder Woman fan,” he says. “She’s like every good thing about Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne wrapped up in a way better package,” he says, nose in the air.

“Batman is my favorite character,” Bucky confesses and Tony makes another scandalized noise.

“ _Heathen_ ,” he accuses.

*

Bucky is texting Tony, who was on a rant about the score of some movie that was surprisingly hilarious, when Sam comes swaggering up looking like he was about to shit in Bucky’s cereal. “Whatever stupid thing you have planned it isn’t going to ruin my day,” he tells Sam. Their relationship, if one could even call it that, was a strange one for sure but he was certain they both secretly enjoyed their frienemy status. At least so long as Steve wasn’t around to scold Bucky for giving Sam tide pods instead of actual food for dinner. Or removing all his shoelaces from his shoes and throwing them out. Or replacing his black cat with a slightly smaller and meaner black cat.

Point was whatever retaliation Sam had planned for his pranks they weren’t going to get to him today because Tony was great and their date went shockingly well. Usually Bucky messed things up in ten seconds flat, but Tony confessed he usually did the same thing and the result was both of them acting like a bunch of awkward freaks for an hour before they gave up being embarrassed at themselves and went to do something more productive. Like watch movies and make out.

Sam just looks more enthused though and he hands Bucky a picture, “look familiar?” he asks, walking away while he cackles.

“I’m surprised you didn’t get a broom to ride out on, Wilson,” Bucky calls after him, earning a dirty look before Bucky turns his attention to the picture Sam handed him. Bucky squints at it for a moment because that guy looked a lot like Tony, but he was holding an Oscar. 

It takes him an embarrassing twenty minutes to put it all together.

*

All Tony wanted was  _one_  normal thing and being a celebrity that was hard. He’s been in the game since he was a kid and the last time he ran into someone that didn’t recognize him on sight when he was looking to be noticed was when he was six. Then there had been Bucky, who ran into him with his charm dialed to eleven and he didn’t even  _notice_  and better yet he didn’t seem to have any idea who Tony was.

Maybe it had been too much to ask that he could just skate by without Bucky ever figuring out he was a two time Oscar winner but a guy had hopes and dreams, okay? Plus he thought his rants about Justin Hammer were hilarious and that was the fastest way to his heart, really. But Bucky  _does_  figure it out and he looks dumbfounded. 

“I can’t believe I’m eating ice cream with someone who’s hung out with Leonardo DiCaprio,” he hisses at Tony.

He sighs, “he’s not that great,” he says. If he had to hang out with a great actor there were at  _least_  five people on his list before DiCaprio. 

“You have  _Oscars_ ,” Bucky says.

“And not even for my best performances,” Tony agrees. How the hell Quill’s movie even  _got_  to the Oscars he had no idea but Peter was shitting several bricks. Especially when his movie won a stupid amount of them even though it was plotless nonsense. All of his stuff was weird and pointless but people kept giving him money and Tony was good enough friends with him that he took a role to be supportive. He didn’t expect a second Oscar out of it.

“That’s true, that time you played a vampire in that one teen drama-” Bucky starts but Tony cuts him off.

“We don’t talk about that time in my life, I was addicted to cocaine,” he says, only half joking about that.

Bucky seems to take it as a joke anyways and laughs. “I don’t get it though, how are people not recognizing you?” he asks.

Tony sighs, “its not... turned on, I guess is the best way to put it. My charm,” he clarifies. Bucky frowns, obviously not understanding and Tony sighs, “want to see it?” he asks. People were always so surprised when they watched it happen and Tony didn’t have words to explain the transformation.

“Sure,” Bucky says after a moment’s pause. 

Tony nods and hands over his glasses, “hold those,” he says and he takes off the hat he was wearing, facing backwards because people didn’t really expect his personal aesthetic to be a cross between fuck boy and hipster styles. It was a deliberate choice on his behalf. He runs his fingers though his hair though, fluffing it a little and he takes a deep breath, channeling that charm he always had on at award shows. It never failed to get the attention of everyone around him and when he opens his eyes he knows Bucky has seen the difference too. Apparently he did notice, just not until he saw it happen.

It takes all of five seconds for someone to walk up, recognizing him on sight and he plays his part well, smiling for anyone who was watching and handing out an autograph. It happens a few more times before he decides he’s had enough of that and he drags Bucky off. “I don’t want to draw a crowd. And trust me, it happens fast,” he says, putting the hat back on his head and taking his glasses back so he could  _see_  again.

“That was... weird,” Bucky says. “You were like that when we met, I uh... just didn’t notice until now I guess,” he mumbles.

Tony nods, “you’re the first person I’ve run into who hasn’t recognized me with my charm on since I was a kid. When its off most people don’t notice, but when its on? People swarm,” he says. 

“Sounds exhausting,” Bucky says. 

He nods, “its is, which is why I liked you. But uh... this is my life and escape is nice but I’ll have to go back eventually,” he says, leaving his unasked question hanging in the air.

“I didn’t know I went on a date with a celebrity, I’m sure I can handle whatever else gets thrown my way,” Bucky says. “And the bonus is that this all happened just in time for Yom Kippur- my family jokes that I always have some ridiculous or outlandish thing that overshadows the holiday and this year its that I’m too dumb to notice I’m dating a famous person. If you want you can come just to witness the chaos- my family is very dramatic and this is bound to be one of the more popular Bucky Ruined Yom Kippur Again stories,” he says.

Tony raises and eyebrow, “what’s the current top contender?” he asks.

Bucky sighs, “that’s probably a tie between the time my grandma told me my depression would go away if I ate better and hung out in the sun so I sort of freaked out and did a lot of yelling about how I still had depression even though I was outside eating a banana and the time my family discovered I’m genuinely terrified of mustard. Yes, I mean the condiment and no, its not funny to chase me around with a mustard hotdog like my asshole sister,” he says.

For a moment Tony looks dumbfounded and then he bursts out laughing, “leave it to me to find someone more dramatic and ridiculous than the movies I star in. But I like you, weird mustard fear and all. And since you know about my celebrity status, want to go to Malibu with me?” he asks.

“If there’s no mustard I’m in,” Bucky says, grinning.

*

Bucky sighs as the video call from his mom comes through and he holds the phone- a new model courtesy of Tony- up in front of his face. “Hey mom,” he says, offering a small smile.

She doesn’t look at all impressed with him, “James Buchanan, it is Yom Kippur and you are _late_ ,” she tells him, disapproval clear in her tone.

Tony sticks his head into the frame, dorky glasses, hat and all but his charm, however that worked, was dialed up and his poor mother looks dumbfounded. “Hi!” he says excitedly, clearly excited to be this year’s Yom Kippur surprise. That and apparently no one has ever asked him to meet their parents before aside from his best friend and he didn’t count Rhodey for some reason or another. To be fair Bucky could take a wild guess and assume not many people met Rhodey but his impromptu vacation had led to a few dinners with the guy and Bucky was fond. He was so fond he introduced Rhodey to Sam with the hopes that Sam will become more interested in Rhodey than Steve and he could go back to his blessedly Sam Wilson free life. He doubted it but it was tradition to try and get rid of Sam through any means possible.

“Oh my god, is that two time Oscar winner _Tony Stark_?” she asks and Bucky sighs.

“Happy Yom Kippur,” he says awkwardly.

Tony lays his head on Bucky’s shoulder, pleased with himself as his mom shakes her head. “ _Every_ Yom Kippur,” she mumbles. “Where are you?” she asks, louder this time.

Bucky winces, “Malibu…” It hadn’t been purposeful, missing their initial flight, but things happened and he was now stuck in an airport until their new flight got here.

“James Buchanan Barnes!” his mother exclaims. “Its _Yom Kippur_!”

“Mom, I do something like this every year, I think God might be telling me that Yom Kippur is just not my day,” he says. It was always _something_ for as far back as he could remember. When he was seven Steve just about died having an asthma attack on the monkey bars, which resulted in Bucky doing some impressive gymnastics he didn’t even know he was capable of to save him from falling on his head. When he was twelve he almost got hit by an ambulance, when he was fifteen he caught a pretty violent flu, then there was that famous incident with his grandmother when he was nineteen, and so on.

He get a _deeply_ offended look from his other and he sighs, “get home, Bucky,” she tells him and with that she ends the call.

Tony tilts his head up to grin at him, “if your mom kills me you have to play ‘mmm what you say’,” Tony tells him.

“I am _not_ doing that,” Bucky says and Tony makes an offended noise.

“Bucky I’m a movie star, my death has to be cinematic and being killed by an angry Jewish woman in a synagogue on the holiest day of the Jewish year while ‘mmm what you say’ plays in the background is _very_ cinematic,” Tony says. “Being my boyfriend means you have to put up with my crazy death plans. And after my corpse inevitably goes through its press crap I want to be cremated and turned into fire works to be exploded wherever Justin Hammer is with the intention of inconveniencing him and looking cool doing it. I want him to know that just because I’m dead doesn’t mean I’m leaving him alone,” he chirps.

He sighs, “can’t you be a normal celebrity and get your dog an astrologist?” he asks.

Tony wrinkles his nose, “I’m a cat person.”

**Author's Note:**

> [My writing Tumblr](https://tenspencerriedplease.tumblr.com/)


End file.
